a fraction too much friction

Sydney, Australia – SailGP supremo Larry Ellison has announced major changes to the format of the event following the two-day series just concluded in Sydney. The new rules apply immediately and are the conditions under which the final round will be sailed in San Francisco on March 26-27.

Speaking to the media before boarding his “Powered by Nature” private jet for the flight back to the US, Ellison conceded that the radical changes to the SailGP format were a response to general disappointment with the series so far.

“The same few boats win all the races”, he said “and no matter which country they’re supposed to be representing they’re all sailed by Australians anyway. The only exciting moment was when the UK boat smashed into Japan and ripped the bow off one hull. TV replayed that 37 times from six different angles.”

But that incident sparked an idea in Ellison’s ever-fertile mind. “It was my ‘Eureka!’ moment – like Archimedes in the bath. If a collision is the only thing to get people interested in the event, then why not make it all collisions? Let’s have an old-fashioned Demolition Derby on water at 35 knots!”…

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